why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
