i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
