i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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