The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
