I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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