Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
