Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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