Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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