Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
