Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
