you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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