i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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