This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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