I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
