you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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