WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
so much tequila, so little girl.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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