guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
