dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
