I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
third nipple confirmed
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
