I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
