Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
