You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
