Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
