i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
