why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pooping to opera.
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