At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
