when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
