M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was born a porn star she said
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
