miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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