it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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