Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
