he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize