he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
