I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
