No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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