No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Still dying that you shit outside
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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