Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I pour the whiskey from now on
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
