i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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