Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
