Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
