So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
