dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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