FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You've changed since you got that strap on
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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