i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
