i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
