True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
