And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Damn victory sex feels great
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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