the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
