Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Less talking, more tequila
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
