someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
