and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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