Where is the hickey?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
