Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize