I got chris browned last night
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize