before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
