All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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