Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i already hear my dad disowning me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
