I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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