So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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