There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
