your thong is hanging out like whoa
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
