You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
