Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
