My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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