i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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