Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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