Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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