I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
