Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
