i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
