Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
