Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
