I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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